This vending machine's either a little insecure or just enthusiastic and dynamic. All yelling at people from the sidewalk and all: "Whatsa matter sir? You don't like soda? Well, you look like a punchy, enterprising individual so I have a deal for you. Three - that's three - bottles of Dasani in exchange for two quarters up front. I know you're busy but that'd be a heckuva bad offer to pass up, now wouldn't it?"
Everybody's in on it! "Salvation - that's right, spiritual and emotional salvation - for less than you'd spend on shampoo in a month. Well, maybe not you, kind sir, but you've got hair care money to spare, now don't you? All the secrets of life and it'll fit on your coffee table."
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