Tuesday, December 23, 2008

But do they sell screaming gas?

Making your patients uncomfortable is cheaper than laughing gas, yes.

TV Binge (and Purge)

Since 2003, when it got really crapalicious, "Sesame Street" has been required by federal law to include this warning.

Don't you see? The Beast is inside all of us, inside our wallets!

Monday, December 22, 2008

The e'er-broken toaster causes more problems

Toaster problems aside, it seems likely that Ziggy is about to stumble into some sort of organ-harvesting cult. That guy in the window has the awkward posture and stilted facial expression of a creature wearing a suit of skin.

My Rear Window-style aspersions onto the nature of reality in comics have never been proven false, exactly, in the sense that it's really impossible to prove anything false.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Criticize the Art Monday!

Does searching through luggage make you that sleepy? And maybe he should dose his NyQuil instead of chugging it straight from the bottle.

Ziggy's hand does a remarkable job of staying cohesive, even as he holds his arms several feet apart.

No art criticism here - Ziggy's adorable cluelessness is readily apparent - but what clientele is that ice cream man trying to court? People walking from town to town?

No landmarks, no points of reference, just a blue void. Sounds like my brain come finals week.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mr. Fix-it

Depressed repairpeople often lie to avoid unpleasant tasks. Mr. Fix-it here seems to be barely holding to life - perhaps every appliance reminds him of his failed marriage. "Libby and I used to have a toaster", he thinks glumly.

It's interesting for Ziggy to be so savvy, though (though I suspect this is just an accident), as the "Framistan" is a long-rumored Apple product that never saw the light of day (really). Considering that Ziggy uses his iPod to scrape snow off of his car I suspect this reference was unintentional.

Now get some more awkward swans together and make a bevy

Wait a minute - that swan has land palsy! Medic! I find this strip oddly compelling.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Too controversial and too awesome for actual children

The usual tendency is to make some sort of "Why, I never expected to see this warning before [some sanitized show like Lawrence Welk]." Then it occurred to me that some of my friends actually enjoy Lawrence Welk in an ironic way, and that edgy shows often use these types of warnings as a way of complying with network standards while intriguing people into subversive programming. So this isn't really parody.

Aesop was right!

Chicken Little was more of an environmental apologist than a financial pundit, but I supposed that Chicken Little would be "right" in any situation that involved something trending downward. Although in this case it has less to do with chunks of the stratosphere raining down onto your head and more to do with child care and fending off inevitable starvation. Stop buying the fancy mustard, guys!

Genuine Bonafide Electrified

"Yes, that's right - your very own anti-Semitic automotive visionary buddy for those long car trips! It collapses! It sputters anti-immigrant propaganda! It dies in 1947! Be the first on your block to throw yours away!"

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

One-Liner Tuesday

Yes, for the record - "One-Liner [Weekday]" is just a convenient way of catching up when I fall behind by banging through a week's worth of material. With that in mind, let the shamelessness commence:

By the looks of it, Jerry just lit Tom's tail like a fuse and blew the sucker up. Of course, in real life the cruel carnivore always wins, so I have no qualms about subverting reality for television programs.

Well, seeing as he's eaten all the pets, you might as well make him a new character.

Demon Mirror Ziggy seems to show little respect for the fourth wall.

"And in your park, you can hunt wabbits without pants!"

Actually, it's usually about Ziggy's father.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Don't buy the Judge Parker Crunchies, kids!

Actually, Ziggy's eating "Trail Mix", the only snack food fully licensed and endorsed by outdoorsman/animal-loving ranger Mark Trail. Maybe a look at the ad will give some proper context:

Bad things happen when you only have MS Paint available.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Midnight murder?

My parents warned me about trolls. Way to not look suspicious, guys!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The deli experience

The fact that a beak is made of very firm bone and incapable of distinct vocalization means that even a super-intelligent bird (with a highly-developed birdbrain to match) would be completely unable to beg in even the slightest capacity. This leads to a fair bit of frustration and occasional miscommunication - the bird meant to ask for some of that sweet, sweet meat.

This bird wants to ask you for your lunch.

"Your money's blood will water the MINES!"

Most private citizens have little to no hope or understanding the current economic crisis - ascribing blame without information to any particular group is really no different than blaming oil prices on redheads or acne on the Jews. But this bank teller deserves at least some minor condemnation for turning a financial downturn (or possibly even theft) into the kind of aphorism Ziggy is likely to shrug off and accept. As long as an explanation is delivered with lowercase "i"s and those bizarre, inconsistent exclamation points, it's completely Ziggy-compliant.