Friday, March 27, 2009

. . . and I Must Scream

Though I have but a month or so left of doing this blog (I will be ending this feature with the analysis of April 8's strip), I can't help but feel that this feature is also winding down, much like the apocalyptic end of Bloom County or, for that matter, the way a friend will often go terribly mad before going on a vacation (whether the one follows the other is hard to tell). Ziggy's world for this past week seems more sordid, more terrible and arbitrary than ever before. I hope April 8 isn't some boring, mundane strip and I have to eat my words.

By the way, is this creepy?:

Yes, It's True

How arbitrary, how random, how hellish is Ziggy's life! Further commentary would do injustice to this squalid scene.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Behind the Orange Door

t's rare to find a new door while wandering through one's house, though on a fateful morning in March that's exactly what happened to our friend Ziggy. Now, Ziggy was not a particularly adventurous man, nor prone to much wandering, but this strange new sight seemed to hold a certain appeal to his interests. "Why, I wonder what could be behind this strange, dusty new door?" thought Ziggy, gripping the doorknob with frightening strength and opening the creaky hinges. But what he saw before him was both merely a surprising and terrible visage of the past:

"RELEASE ME FROM THIS LIFE!" yelled Ziggy to the unforgiving aether, his awkward adolescence now thrown in full regalia before his eyes. "I wish but to die for to escape this unkind sight!" But no succor was forthcoming.


This vending machine's either a little insecure or just enthusiastic and dynamic. All yelling at people from the sidewalk and all: "Whatsa matter sir? You don't like soda? Well, you look like a punchy, enterprising individual so I have a deal for you. Three - that's three - bottles of Dasani in exchange for two quarters up front. I know you're busy but that'd be a heckuva bad offer to pass up, now wouldn't it?"

Everybody's in on it! "Salvation - that's right, spiritual and emotional salvation - for less than you'd spend on shampoo in a month. Well, maybe not you, kind sir, but you've got hair care money to spare, now don't you? All the secrets of life and it'll fit on your coffee table."

Friday, March 20, 2009

One-Liner Immortal Devourer of Souls Friday

Provocative, to say the least. Is being deliberately provocative to this degree sufficient cause for revocation of one's business license? I say it is.

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near, Ziggy? They long to subject you to litigation and emotional anguish. And they want your lunch.

Once you've hit both fluid in your lungs and shaded nose, you're pretty much over the peak of recoverability anyway.

A related thought: If Ziggy dies in your backyard, all you can really do is throw him by his legs over the fence for the neighbors to take care of.

"Identity crisis? Hmm. . . you're too short for a murderous schizophrenic, but you'd be a great secret agent!"

"Actually, your generic change of name last week to 'National Bank' was pretty telling." Next week it'll be "The Money Place" and they'll only hand out Chuck-E-Cheese Tokens.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ends of Ends

A solitary sojourn to the ethereal Corner of the World - a place ravaged by the bloody excesses of Man, celestial in its imposed peace yet a silent witness to the barbarism that has led it to its permanent state of ever-weary yet paradisiacal mourning. A refuge only in the same absolute way as Death itself, this corner goes nowhere, for there is nowhere beyond to go.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Am I . . . speaking to Ziggy right now?

Two cute punchlines in a row. And this one involves cell phone texting; I hope Old Man Wilson and his coerced cartoonist son aren't slipping.

Still, yesterday's "I'm full of fuzzy wuzzies!" Ziggy is better than today's "wry one-liner referencing financial woes in the context of modern society" Ziggy.

Of course, one particularly surreal Ziggy always has my undivided attention:

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

It's a happy kind of passed out. . .

Aww. . .

Wait - has Ziggy given his pets alcohol?

Criticize the Art Tuesday

Wow - it's no wonder that Frizzy Hair McGee chose a job with a bookstore, considering that she has the word "BOOKSHOP" floating perpetually over her head, and a helpful admonition for borrowers of self-help books nearby, forward and a little to the left.

Monday, March 16, 2009

A Life Lived Vicariously, Through Pixels

I'd hate to see what similar alternative the lady at the dating service has to offer. Y'know, we've seen some pretty bizarre, insulting ultimatums from these people, or even premature rejection, but never the option for Ziggy to opt out of the system entirely. That's something our man Z should really consider while he's at home trying to get his stomach's fill from Red Lobster and Pepsi ads.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

How the Mean Ol' Blue Man Stole Elm

"But, you know, that blue jerk was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
'Why, my pantsless old chum,' the fake fix-it-man lied,
'There's a branch on this tree and it's on the wrong side!'
'So I'm bringing it back to my workshop, mon frere.'
'I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here.'

And when Ziggy at last went inside for a pee,
He went to his truck bed's and stuffed in the tree!"

Ceci n'est pas une pipe

Looks like Fuzz the Dog decided to make at least one René Magritte painting make sense. Give a brief laugh and move on.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Failure in a Green World

Ziggy also received several notices from several major law and financial forms informing him that he would never, ever be considered for a position with them. The fact that he's never heard of these organizations begs the question: can premeditated rejection exist? Is that even rejection at all? With the sky and grass bathed a hideous green do we even have very long left on this Earth with which to worry about petty scams?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

One-Liners Worth Fighting For Sunday

"Why are all of the mountains different colors? Why do I have a three-foot peak stuck up my tookus? When you can answer these questions, you will be worthy to sit on Peak No. 4G, three over and two to the left."

"Avaricious" is the word to describe this person. When you work for an organization that essentially cannibalizes people, devours their essence, then crushes their spirits it's only fitting to look the part.

Better caption: "Hey, Slick! Can I get some mutha******* birdseed over here!?"

Yup - Ziggy's slick. His pants slide right off.

Lesse - Ziggy's car should have "Republican Party" written across it, his head tattooed "newly-inclusive Conservatism" and the road "The Shadow of Bush." Am I forgetting anything?

Ziggy was not meant to be drawn from this perspective, unless we are to understand that he reproduces asexually. No - he's like a lizard! And when you cut off his nose, out grows another Ziggy!

Goodnight, everybody!

Ziggy's secret vices

"This has been a reminder of government omniscience. We can and will find you. Have a nice day."

Ziggy seems to know all-too-well just exactly what this sign is talking about, and has no intention to give up his occasional dabblings in it.