Saturday, February 28, 2009

Unhappy Medium

Though a psychic who can remotely open your fly may not be particularly desirable (depending, of course, on your predilections), the fact that we can see Ziggy's smooth, curved buttflesh pretty much rules out pants entirely. I think it's more likely that this mophaired mentalist is tapping into an adult frequency by mistake on that old crystal.

(NOTE: To hear my two alternate, much funnier interpretations of this strip you'll need to ask me in person. This is a family blog, constant references to burning flesh and Armageddon notwithstanding.)

Friday, February 27, 2009

Coming soon to every shelf near you

Some of us pay enough attention to Ziggy to notice this type of recycling. Still, it's possible that Ziggy is returning to the same store, comfortable enough to shed the disguise and try out some of the higher-shelved, more risque viewing.

Not to imply that Ziggy's world ever makes complete sense. Here he types out a frantic message to American newspaper readers, one which will not be heeded. Ziggy's been sending us coded messages for years - stock predictions, political analysis and only occasionally the explicit whereabouts of his abduction. He's so used to being misinterpreted that his cries for help have gotten ever more obvious. No help will come.

Duly feared squeakage

His filthy, prowling uncle who keeps promising that he'll violate his court order and visit his beloved, traumatized nephew. You understand the apprehension here.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'll bet he spells the word "woof" wrong

Congrats to this Ziggy for running the cutest, strangest punchline/art juxtaposition this side of webcomickry. Needless to say, for this hapless passerby, whose sizable wealth was lost in an online scam, this little pooch looks anything but benign. The destructive powers of him and his ilk have left this man naught but an impeccable suit and hat, which will soon be worn and ragged like the getup of the rest of the homeless.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

One-Liner Inevitable Showdown Between Good and Evil

In 2009, the government began abandoning any pretense of fiscal responsibility, constructing full-size, color Ziggy statues in front of any and all federal buildings. The one in front of the Lincoln Memorial has no pants.

"Those aren't ditto marks. I've been trying to write a message to my birth father for three years, but can't get past the opening quotes."

"What an odd place for me to meet the man who's been sending me those anonymous, creepy letters for so long! I sure hope the snipers are quick enough!"

Actually, I suspect that Ziggy is drawn more by the arrow itself in his continuous search for direction:

So compelled forward he is, into the Pre-existing Condition Ward, where he will receive a treatment for Flipper Foot and a new waist, thus gaining the ability to finally wear shoes and pants, the way he does whenever the artist forgets what planet he's on and draws the strip that way.

And on his continuing zombiewalking adventure, Ziggy passes another humorous, ironic juxtaposition of two different concepts. They can't all be zingers. And does Universal Press Syndicate have an overabundance of blue or are the color-ers just on some kind of blue kick?

Dang - nice art. Easily the best I've seen in some time, and Ziggy's body is drawn with something approaching normal dimensions. The joke is pretty good as well - I give this strip the "Gold-Plated Psychotic Neon Ziggy" award:

As you can tell from this post, it's that time of night.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Polly wanna pizza

His ungrateful little bastihd behavior continues. See, Ziggy bought an enormous pallet of crackers on the pretense that they'd be right suitable for, y'know, a parrot. These crackers are priced to move and Ziggy's not going to eat that kind of avian crap.

And he's clearly not the target market See, Ziggy likes blue things. He was willing to tolerate that parrot and his infernal brown stand, but this may be the last straw that allows him to acknowledge that he has long stood on the far side of the edge he fell over when Mother died.

Ominous. . .

When you put your four bits into the machine, robotic hands pull you into the device through the tiny opening near the base, sparing no thought for the shape of your physical frame or the sounds of crunching bones and splitting flesh. You thus receive a free sample of hell, much like that which I have freely given with this description.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A TV remote as fat as a Symphony Bar

Ten months ago when I forged Ziggy Liberated in the fires of Mount Most Unpleasant, I gave a solemn oath to give each multi-panel Ziggy strip my undivided attention. So far I've held myself to my solemn oath (despite the rarity of these occurences), all with an insatiable sense of internal wonder at Ziggy's breach of standard protocol.

Today we see "Josh" the Parrot and "Fuzz" the Dog engaged in a game of friendly interspecial domination. "Josh," . . . ah, forget it. The Parrot's dominance over the day's games can be inferred by the inclusion of his signature colors in the first panel. Though avian dominance over large blue-eyed dogs is uncommon (by all account the Parrot should have been playfully - and repeatedly - mauled by this point), there's little reason to doubt the value of instructing a dog to fetch what appears to be large bars of chocolate from a nearby Sam's Club.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Wack the Duck?

Wait a minute - Ziggy's pets have names!?

From Ziggy's Wikipedia article:
Ziggy is a small, bald, pantless,barefoot, almost featureless character (save for his large nose) who seems to have no job, hobbies, or romantic partner, just a menagerie of pets: Fuzz, a small white dog; Sid, a cat afraid of mice; Josh, a discouraging parrot; Goldie, a fish; and Wack, a duck.
[Emphasis totally frickin' added]

Friday, February 13, 2009

Polly doesn't know what he wants

Are animals capable of dishonesty? My cat certainly feigns displays of affection for food and attention, which in a simple, instinctual way is a type of lie. This parrot, on the other hand, says things that he clearly doesn't mean but that have become parrot custom (I'm sure he makes the same excuse following Tourettes-like bursts of racial slurs in public). Animals are definitely capable of their own types of subterfuge (like camouflage and decoy) though these usually entail life-or-death matters of protecting oneself from predators or entrapping possible prey. Humans admittedly do the same thing in slightly more sophisticated ways, if we allow "predator" and "prey" to take on more general meanings.

Anyway, there's no excuse for a supersentient parrot not understanding that "Polly wanna cracker" totally bloody means you want a frickin' cracker.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

My Tandy has a tapeworm

Ziggy is so desperate for human interaction that he invents preposterous stories just to get somebody to cross the threshold of his Lair of Blue Shirts and Walls. But camaraderie and friendship cannot cross this turquoise void, for deception is the basis of many a broken - AGH! My mistake, Big Z. I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, do you have anything to treat a laptop bite?

NOTE: For the purpose of this analysis you will need to imagine that this comic took place in the present, and that I was there. I know that's a stretch, but you wouldn't be reading a blog like this if you weren't ready for a bit of a stretch here or there.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Cats and Compys

Actually, this already happened. As cute as that little kitty was, the Z never seemed to take a shine to her - we never saw her after the wonder of her initial multi-panel appearance. On the other hand, maybe she's referring to Ziggy's standby cat. Then again, those two never got along.

Now that we're on the subject of Ziggy's discouraging love life, let's see how things are going on the computer dating service front:

On second thought, let's not.

The next time you cut the strings of your corporate overlords, use Wescott Brand scissors!

Ziggy's life is programmed lock in step, lock shock and sterile by the news media until his bold, embittered Brave New World sees only consumption and his e'er-arched ad-watching neck has developed a permanent crick which he now intends to solve with an over-the-counter medication. So the medicine cabinet has TV static. One good thing about our new corporate subsistence existence: it always comes back full circle.

Friday, February 6, 2009

One-Liner Doomsday

"So this is what the Afterlife looks like!"

"Sorry, punchline - you're looking for Family Circus. It's right around the corner."

"Blue-est void in town within!"

"By the way, how do you feel about a little recreational probing?"

"Not on my watch, Goldilocks!"

SPECIAL GAME: Can you find the one-liner that doesn't make any sense? (NOTE: Only one nonsensical one-liner was intentional. You might have to hear me explain the other ones before you see the layers of comely comedy within.)

Thursday, February 5, 2009


This sign's influence naturally extends for one full rotation across the breadth of the entire planet, serving to unify our sphere as a sort of grand artistic statement. Of course, without that crucial context it would seem really obnoxious.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Needless to say "Transformers" made it onto the shelf

"Why, they have Big Momma's House! And The Complete Vin Diesel Collection! And what's that in the corner? Oh, boy! Battlefield Earth and all of its imaginary sequels!"

See? It's "Movies For People Who Are Dumber Than Dummies." So the shelf is full of unchallenging, obnoxious movies. Yes, that's the entire joke.

Perfectly understandable paranoia

Emergency support services is wise to Ziggy's game by now, disavowing the existence of "911" while maintaining a basic level of professional courtesy. "Help, I've been tied up by toiletries!" "A giant squid is accosting me in my doorway!" And there's this.

Ziggy's life is in a near-constant state of danger and conflict, but he's as liable to bounce back with a semi-witty malaproprism or pseudo-informational "life's lesson" as anything. And I understand he uses a stunt Ziggy for any of the really dangerous stuff.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

He's somebody's disowned half-brother

". . . How about a nice slice of Adriano?" He doesn't work there; he just goes around soliciting the diners.

It's still better than the upcoming "Trek" flick

It's as if Ziggy was misrepresenting himself: the green-flapped hunting hat, purple scarf, blue snow pants, large, bulbous nose and dog scream Shatner-era Kirk. Then again, this angry little extraterrestrial's grasp of Earth fashion seems tentative at best, if this mini-est of skirts is anything to go by. Ziggy has had sufficient contact with beings not of this world to know he need not expect anything particularly sophisticated. He's a medium for this sort of thing - now let's get a few Living Dead-themed strips, please.