My Tandy has a tapeworm

Ziggy is so desperate for human interaction that he invents preposterous stories just to get somebody to cross the threshold of his Lair of Blue Shirts and Walls. But camaraderie and friendship cannot cross this turquoise void, for deception is the basis of many a broken - AGH! My mistake, Big Z. I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, do you have anything to treat a laptop bite?

NOTE: For the purpose of this analysis you will need to imagine that this comic took place in the present, and that I was there. I know that's a stretch, but you wouldn't be reading a blog like this if you weren't ready for a bit of a stretch here or there.

Cats and Compys

Actually, this already happened. As cute as that little kitty was, the Z never seemed to take a shine to her - we never saw her after the wonder of her initial multi-panel appearance. On the other hand, maybe she's referring to Ziggy's standby cat. Then again, those two never got along.

Now that we're on the subject of Ziggy's discouraging love life, let's see how things are going on the computer dating service front:


On second thought, let's not.

The worst part is that it's running Vista

Wait a minute - Ziggy bought that evil, disembodied computer? One that speaks and hates Ziggy and all humanity by association? And all it does all day long is carp and criticize Ziggy's behavior while providing little if anything of use in return?

You were thinking of somebody. Don't deny it.

"That reminds me of MY experiences with [Insert OS]!"

That computer is angry because it doesn't have a tower. I would be too.

Is "Ziggy" Within US Jurisdiction?

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP FIRST I MUST PLEAD FOR YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE AS FOR THIS TRANSACT=ION. THIS IS AN EXTREMELY CONFIDENTIAL MATTER OF PERSONAL BUSINESS AND I CANNOT AFFORD THIS INFORMATION TO FALL TO PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE FOR THE SHORT TERM. FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS I AM WRITER OF A COMIC STRIP KNOWN AS ZIGGY. I HAVE BEEN CONSULTING WITH OFFICIALS IN NAIROBI FOR A TRANSFER OF A LARGE NUMBER OF JOKES OVERSEAS TO THE UNITED STATES. THESE JOKES AND COMIC STRIP IDEAS HAVE BEEN IN TRANSIT FOR SOME TIME BUT ARE UNABLE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY DUE TO CUSTOMS ISSUES. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS AND SECURE THE FUNDS NECESSARIE FOR THIS ACTION I REQUIRE PURCHASE OF LARGE QUANTITIES OF THE CLASSIC ANIMATED SHORT "ZIGGY'S GIFT." I AM SORRY BUT IN MY CURRENT CAPACITY AS A CARTOONIST I AM UNABLE TO CONTACT YOU DIRECTLY, AND I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING TO SPEAK TO YOU IN THIS WAY. IN RETURN FOR THIS SERVICE OF DVD PURCHASES, I AM AUTHORIZED TO TRANSFER YOU THE SUM OF 1,284,228 ORIGINAL ZIGGY STRIPS (107079 DOZEN) UPON COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSATION. YOURS FAITHFULLY, TOM WILSON NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (ZG/P/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

Ports and Ports

Comcast has a way of doing that.

.bat

Ziggy's got to be doing something slightly advanced to have encountered this sort of rebuff from his passive-aggressive computer. His system's quoting old Humphrey Bogart movies at him and all he wants to do is play Taipei. The Americanized tile-matching one - not the real one.


DISCUSSION QUESTION: Will Ziggy's senior citizen target audience understand the technology reference?

An Uncommon Courtesy

As insulting, sick and manically depressed as Ziggy's computer can get, it's nice to see that it can occasionally make the courtesy of conserving a little power before Ziggy is thrown into debtor's prison.

I love the computers that Ziggy uses - ancient, one-piece affairs the likes of which you used to purchase with the Sears Roebuck catalog to liven up the drawing room. These things haven't been seen in stores for decades, which probably explains why they occasionally follow their better judgment and suddenly find themselves eager to serve. I don't think that Ziggy has a job, so I imagine he mainly uses his computer for bank defraudment schemes. Ever-serviceable, the computer will take most of the rap.

It Begins

Listen - since the invention of the internet, computers talk to each other - I mean really talk to each other. And not just about boring stuff like packets and SDRAM; they talk about us. So it's not unreasonable to assume that this is organized computer revenge stemming from Ziggy's brilliant Kasparovian chess victory last Friday. When everything in our home is controlled by computer, we're going to be even more screwed; we'll have to watch our computers' feelings lest they get put off and bump our shower temperature up a couple hundred degrees.

So, Ziggy - you might think this is bad, but wait until your HomeBot has the power to turn you into a honey-baked ham at the slightest whim.

My philosophically-minded friend pointed out some unintentional depth in Friday's commentary, starting with this comment of mine:

Every time a computer loses a chess game the robot war is prolonged by fifteen minutes, and Ziggy's so accustomed to criticism that he'll probably fall for it.

My statement (at least the first half) may be literally true: Jeff pointed out that the granddaddy killer robot in the Terminator mythos actually started out as a chess machine. If I could tap into the vast humor-writing potential of my subconscious I'd be unstoppable. Heaven knows that my conscious mind isn't tossing me any freebies.

Ultimate Test of Cerebral Fitness

Years ago, Ziggy found himself in a similar situation. Lost in a dark netherworld (or maybe just sitting with the lights off), he once sought guidance from another machine, whose criticism was comparatively patronizing:


Even computers who aren't blessed with the gift of speech repeatedly trounce humans at everything that they both do, often leading to crushing loss of self-esteem, and, in extreme cases, the entirety of the human race being thrown into little stasis pods and used as batteries for Machinedom. That's in extreme examples.

But not here. It's obvious that Ziggy's winning, and the little monitor is engaging in a last-ditch effort to save his scuzzy skin (get it?). Something about the emphasis on "athletic!" and little beads of computer-sweat flying from the screen smacks of desperation.

Every time a computer loses a chess game the robot war is prolonged by fifteen minutes, and Ziggy's so accustomed to criticism that he'll probably fall for it.