One-Liner Immortal Devourer of Souls Friday

Provocative, to say the least. Is being deliberately provocative to this degree sufficient cause for revocation of one's business license? I say it is.


Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near, Ziggy? They long to subject you to litigation and emotional anguish. And they want your lunch.


Once you've hit both fluid in your lungs and shaded nose, you're pretty much over the peak of recoverability anyway.

A related thought: If Ziggy dies in your backyard, all you can really do is throw him by his legs over the fence for the neighbors to take care of.


"Identity crisis? Hmm. . . you're too short for a murderous schizophrenic, but you'd be a great secret agent!"


"Actually, your generic change of name last week to 'National Bank' was pretty telling." Next week it'll be "The Money Place" and they'll only hand out Chuck-E-Cheese Tokens.

Am I . . . speaking to Ziggy right now?

Two cute punchlines in a row. And this one involves cell phone texting; I hope Old Man Wilson and his coerced cartoonist son aren't slipping.

Still, yesterday's "I'm full of fuzzy wuzzies!" Ziggy is better than today's "wry one-liner referencing financial woes in the context of modern society" Ziggy.

Of course, one particularly surreal Ziggy always has my undivided attention:

Failure in a Green World

Ziggy also received several notices from several major law and financial forms informing him that he would never, ever be considered for a position with them. The fact that he's never heard of these organizations begs the question: can premeditated rejection exist? Is that even rejection at all? With the sky and grass bathed a hideous green do we even have very long left on this Earth with which to worry about petty scams?

I'll bet he spells the word "woof" wrong

Congrats to this Ziggy for running the cutest, strangest punchline/art juxtaposition this side of webcomickry. Needless to say, for this hapless passerby, whose sizable wealth was lost in an online scam, this little pooch looks anything but benign. The destructive powers of him and his ilk have left this man naught but an impeccable suit and hat, which will soon be worn and ragged like the getup of the rest of the homeless.

Aesop was right!

Chicken Little was more of an environmental apologist than a financial pundit, but I supposed that Chicken Little would be "right" in any situation that involved something trending downward. Although in this case it has less to do with chunks of the stratosphere raining down onto your head and more to do with child care and fending off inevitable starvation. Stop buying the fancy mustard, guys!

"Your money's blood will water the MINES!"

Most private citizens have little to no hope or understanding the current economic crisis - ascribing blame without information to any particular group is really no different than blaming oil prices on redheads or acne on the Jews. But this bank teller deserves at least some minor condemnation for turning a financial downturn (or possibly even theft) into the kind of aphorism Ziggy is likely to shrug off and accept. As long as an explanation is delivered with lowercase "i"s and those bizarre, inconsistent exclamation points, it's completely Ziggy-compliant.

And that's the only stand in the store

Ziggy has been reduced to performing illicit favors to pay his cell phone bill. Tell me this wasn't what the author intended.

I think Ziggy could climb right up a wall with those feet. *Spluck spluck spluck*! How did his race evolve like that?

Empty MD

Ziggy's doctor is going to harvest him for his organs, and sell that cute li'l blue shirt on eBay.

Dewey etc.

I don't necessarily find it surprising that Ziggy's employer has been defrauding him; admittedly, it would be difficult to resist the temptation, knowing he's less likely to pursue action against you than turn the whole situation into some kind of wistful aphorism. And now his financial advisor is gearing up for another good old-fashioned screwover.

Ziggy Gets Mugged

This "ATM" boasts a difficult interface, to be sure: no less than twenty plain, gridded white buttons and what appears to be an oversized coin slot. The sheer difficulty of the machine, plus the fact that it's plainly not a real ATM, leads me to believe that perhaps Ziggy's facing down an Automatic Taunting Machine.

Suddenly, a searing shriek fills the heavens and the scene before us shifts:

The Clutching Beanie Feels Loved

Wow - Ziggy's special Clutching Beanie is really getting a workout this week. I think it's one of those folding models that changes color when you flip it inside out. "I need it to pay off my ATM fees!" Ziggy explains nervously. Don't worry, Ziggy - we're with you on this one. Many of us recognize the monetary benefits of having a special Clutching Beanie, and a few of us even have special Clutching Beanies of our own, or some other FDIC-recognized equivalent.

Today, though, Ziggy seems to be retreating into his beanie, almost fetal in his craving for security. If things keep going this way, he might have to use the thing to cover his nether regions when he's naked and homeless.

"I. . . Declare. . . BANKRUPTCY!"

Ziggy's brought his special clutching beanie with him, the one reserved for financial uncertainty and rejection. Today he's either gone into some kind of back-alley tax advisement center, or preparing to go into tax asylum before entering the Witness Protection Program, perhaps as a direct result of the suspicious poison luggage a couple of days back.

Wait. . . is there a possibility that this is Ziggy's father? Remember what I said about the entertainment value of behind-the-scenes speculation.

Fiscal Policy

This from the guy who uses abstract, confusing one-liners to justify budgetary procrastination and tries to pay his taxes with a song. This is hardly the worst decision that he has made. Even the bulbous man behind the leaning desk seems impressed.