Health Decoder Rings Out!

Due to a bad case of Not Feeling Very Funny, I haven't posted for awhile. But what's this guy's expose for moping? I mean, besides the terrible business arrangement he's currently working through?

Best to Skip This One

"But that's madness!" Ziggy said, backing toward a display of cheap metal birdhouses. Undaunted, the mad-with-child Customer Service Representative continued to pursue, stamp in hand, a mad, inventive gleam in her bloodshot eyes. Seconds later, he lay in a corner, delirious with fear, and just as the "FRAGILE" stamp went crushing down onto his forehead and he blacked out, he could have sworn he heard the fetus whisper: "Crucify him. . ."

Bratwurst and Borscht

Actually, maintenance of the roads has been in the hands of a very high-level group of "meddlesome busybodies" ever since the Federal Highways Act of 1956 signed by President Eisenhower. Y'see, the idea was that in the event of a full-scale invasion of America, the nation's
troops would be able to make the nervous trek over to whichever coast had rampaging Krauts and Russkies shootin' our cats and dogs and baking us into bratwurst and borscht. Between the Highways Act and the fact that the federal government is Constitutionally obligated to regulate the roads traveled by the Postal Service, the Feds are pretty much in charge of the sum total of our nation's roads.

Dewey etc.

I don't necessarily find it surprising that Ziggy's employer has been defrauding him; admittedly, it would be difficult to resist the temptation, knowing he's less likely to pursue action against you than turn the whole situation into some kind of wistful aphorism. And now his financial advisor is gearing up for another good old-fashioned screwover.

Willyouwon'tyoudoyoudon'tyou

The last time he saw this, it turned out to be a women's restroom. Better to stand there "like a dummy" while figuring out if it's another goldarned accursed hallucination.

One-Liner Thursday

"It's simple - a loan requires a test of character. Complete the Five Horrors and you'll be approved."


"And they're all voiced by Gilbert Gottfried."


Nothing angers an MD like a patient who insists that they will live.


The board also used the following terms Hair-In-My-Soup McChef failed to understand: "multiplicity of violations", "transmittable", "of Biblical proportions" and "to the entire community."


That thing's either nearly-blind or Ziggy's wearing his Brut.

Voodoo Chili

Possible alternate punchlines, accounting for the body language in the panel:

"Excuse me, sir, the man in the booth near the window would like to buy you a drink."

"Your check just bounced halfway to Mexico."

"A group of gentlemen from the NSA would like to speak to you."

"Smashing green polo, sir. Allow me to escort you to the water closet to change into something tasteful."

Ziggy's Wild Years

Reading back on some of Ziggy's earlier medical strips, it occurs to me that this story might be told in reverse order, Memento-style. A couple months ago Ziggy was lying nearly dead in bed as medical practitioners hesitated to approach him, then we were subjected to some dark updates on Ziggy's condition. Today we follow the chain a step back to the previous doctor called upon to diagnose Ziggy's condition. How long until we trade chain of causality back to the cheap Taiwanese hooker?

Uh-huh, Verily

Believe it. The sad thing is that I knew this image would exist even before I looked for it:

One-Liner Thursday!

It's either a surreal masterpiece or I don't get the joke.

Really - are the rest of the pages blank or did they waste ink driving the point home? They even signed the front cover.

Mood swings which are exacerbated by the mere mention of my shriveled, suction cupped feet!

Yeah. . . government. It's pretty bad, in general. Yes.

Foaming at the Brain

This would be funnier and more surreal with no explanation, in the vein of Garfield Minus Garfield:

Maybe he got into Ziggy's toothpaste, but this silent tableau leaves us a little more ambiguity.

Is "Ziggy" Within US Jurisdiction?

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP FIRST I MUST PLEAD FOR YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE AS FOR THIS TRANSACT=ION. THIS IS AN EXTREMELY CONFIDENTIAL MATTER OF PERSONAL BUSINESS AND I CANNOT AFFORD THIS INFORMATION TO FALL TO PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE FOR THE SHORT TERM. FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS I AM WRITER OF A COMIC STRIP KNOWN AS ZIGGY. I HAVE BEEN CONSULTING WITH OFFICIALS IN NAIROBI FOR A TRANSFER OF A LARGE NUMBER OF JOKES OVERSEAS TO THE UNITED STATES. THESE JOKES AND COMIC STRIP IDEAS HAVE BEEN IN TRANSIT FOR SOME TIME BUT ARE UNABLE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY DUE TO CUSTOMS ISSUES. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS AND SECURE THE FUNDS NECESSARIE FOR THIS ACTION I REQUIRE PURCHASE OF LARGE QUANTITIES OF THE CLASSIC ANIMATED SHORT "ZIGGY'S GIFT." I AM SORRY BUT IN MY CURRENT CAPACITY AS A CARTOONIST I AM UNABLE TO CONTACT YOU DIRECTLY, AND I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING TO SPEAK TO YOU IN THIS WAY. IN RETURN FOR THIS SERVICE OF DVD PURCHASES, I AM AUTHORIZED TO TRANSFER YOU THE SUM OF 1,284,228 ORIGINAL ZIGGY STRIPS (107079 DOZEN) UPON COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSATION. YOURS FAITHFULLY, TOM WILSON NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (ZG/P/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

Babytalk and Snuggles

(click to enlarge)

As cynical as I am, my mind still shuts down when I see a strip like this. The tantalizing monkey's paw-tinged specificity of Ziggy's horoscope, wonder of the multiple panels and inconsistency of the art all fall through for one singular thought: "Kitty!"

The Invited

Hope you enjoy Hantavirus, Ziggy - singular experience of getting hammered with a bunch of mice notwithstanding.

Guess the conspiracy's over.

Tan Light Special

"Books on civil liberties? You'll have to search out the newly-created 'deluded fantasy' section, alongside the Robert Jordan novels."

This librarian seems to have incorporated political commentary into her filing duties, e'er causing confusion in the pursuit of more euro humor. But the euro's been up for quite some time now, prompting the question of what took her so long to notice. After all, she looks for all the world like a K-Mart employee.

That "Books" sign is both garish and redundant. And psychological studies aside, I don't think the colors tan, orange and puke-brown incite a great deal of literate-minded curiosity on the part of library patrons. It just might make them nauseous.

Wis-Dumb

"I spend most of my time cold on a mountain. You, on the other hand, seem to have planned your wardrobe's color scheme yet forgone pants in your great haste. Must we dwell on the sordid state of our lives? I would suggest you resume your melancholy trek, squatty traveler."

Heh - Ziggy's so short he hikes with a yardstick.

Passivity - the Ziggy Way!

Scintillating and intelligent or compatible, Ziggy? Hey, at least it gets you watching PBS, albeit passively.

Lobster House of 1000 Corpses

It's eat-or-be-eaten, Ziggy! Go on - bludgeon that poor crustacean to death with your now-empty water glass! Why, aren't you hungry?

I love the way that Ziggy drops a storyline only to tune into its horrifying conclusion several days later. I've never seen a lobster so menacing - poor blighter probably has a scorpion grandfather somewhere along that ultra-aggressive family tree.

Angry Eyebrows Ziggy

The story of Ziggy's life would likely have the disclaimer ". . . Not that there's anything wrong with that!" in nearly every chapter. Not because Ziggy's life has been repugnant, but because the book would have to be written by somebody else, and people are not, as a rule, particularly kind to Ziggy.

Force a Storyline Thursday

"Fine - I don't wanna listen to your stupid bird conspiracies anyway."


Recently Ziggy's parrot has had Don Corleone eyes for no real reason; though consistency is not a hallmark (ha!) of this feature Ziggy's expression suggests that he is being menaced by some type of avian cabal. Pissed-off purple bird above may have a hand in this.

. . . And now the mice are involved. Ziggy is positively seething in fear, if such a thing is possible.

Only the dog is on Ziggy's side, perhaps because the birds and mice (along with, presumably, other unseen accomplices) found him too dense to include in their plans. In other news, Ziggy's ideal woman creeps me right the heck out.

In Today's Strip We Learn that Ziggy Will Never Be Happy

Ziggy's dating woes are nigh-unparalleled among so-called "sentimental" strips. Though it's difficult to imagine a compatible match for a stumphigh, sausage-fingered gremlin who looks as if he was formed from Play-Dough, after treatment like this I wouldn't be surprised if Ziggy turned into some kind of frustrated rapist. I wouldn't even necessarily blame him, at least in a fictional context where the world really is as cold and unfair as frustrated rapists inevitably think it is.

Soup de Damned

Ziggy learns firsthand the plight of much of the third world and beyond - the basic human "search" for sustenance - a search that ends only in futility for a large portion of the human race. Granted, a posh diner seems an ironic place to learn this message, but I think the ironic juxtaposition serves to underline the basic point.

After all, how long will it be before glorious apocalypse reduces even the wealthy to mere scavengers, unaided by their servant proxies who no longer see any benefit in outmoded currency, and the bygone sewers rise with a plague of roaches, themselves only 2% removed genetically from the lobster that's getting away in this strip? This feature's never more than a couple of steps removed from Armageddon.