Vāyu, on refulgent car come to the drinking of the juice

Two contemplative travelers meet in the night. Torchlight leaves epic shadow.


Selections from Bodanga, an apocryphal Vedic writing

1. GURU, the bearded one, is led forward in a search for glory.
A sandaled one pursuing a God rejected.
2. Resplendent, his beard represents a funny geographical
formation, a scion bedecked in false robes, yet sincere.
3. Oh Rebus, give us riches, feed us with wisdom and with
the unbearable presence of the King.
4. And ask him if he will perform "Blue Suede Shoes" for us.




My apologies to ethnic Indians, orthodox Hindus, and anybody else who respects ancient scripture sufficiently not to parody it for a lark.

Guru Bureau

I'm not surprised to see this guru engaging in rampant acts of blatant commerciality - the juxtaposition of the holy and the profane is what we call humor around these parts. Still, we've dealt with the fact that one would have to climb down the first mountain and up the other to get access to that sweet, sweet air.

Uh-huh, Verily

Believe it. The sad thing is that I knew this image would exist even before I looked for it:

Wis-Dumb

"I spend most of my time cold on a mountain. You, on the other hand, seem to have planned your wardrobe's color scheme yet forgone pants in your great haste. Must we dwell on the sordid state of our lives? I would suggest you resume your melancholy trek, squatty traveler."

Heh - Ziggy's so short he hikes with a yardstick.

Shatner Move Over

That's not really a joke so much as a straight-up ad. In a culture where we're afraid to even mention popular product names in print this seems. . . inappropriate, somehow. I'm not even sure that the 5% of readers who recognize the reference will appreciate it.

Does that guy get wi-fi up there?

Inner Pleas

We haven't seen the Guru since he shoved a man to his death. Still, Ziggy hasn't been down there for two months, so it's possible we've had several guru murder/switchovers in the time since he last made the trek. Given his above statement, it's possible that he was witness to one of the murders. Ziggy rarely hammers you with violence, but there's always death lurking under the floorboards. The UV exposure up there must be insane.

Ballroom Bliss

Yes! The mystery is solved! The guru's inconsistent behavior is at last explained, for Mt. Bulgy Peak has long found itself the scene of a territorial war between these magnificent, wizened creatures. Having lost sight of inner peace and transcended transcendence, these bearded sages now think only of dominance and the thrill of dethroning their rivals. I'd like to think that this peak's slope evens out at some point, rather than consider the fact that there may be a pile of identical dead gurus somewhere below.

Pundit, Pundthat

I won't bother linking once again to the long series of adventures between Ziggy and the guru, but he's been making the trek up Big 'ol Lump Peak for increasingly-trivial trivialities (if you may permit me a brief redundancy). The guru has taken up astrology, celebrity gossip and even set up a Starbucks, but he's showing an uncharacteristic restraint here. As long as he understands his place and he's overcome his previous depression, I'm willing to overlook the fact that our titular character is essentially climbing up a near-vertical slope on a routine basis for single-sentence banalities. Mysticism is all a sham, of course, but so is politics.

Knowing Others is Wisdom, Knowing the Self is Enlightenment

This one makes me scream inside. On yet another wacky pilgrimage to the top of Mount Inner Peace, Ziggy encounters some homophonic topical humor, asking the guru what happened to the guru. America finds its "hip" consumer culture in a precarious position, and, on this tiny, isolated mountain in the middle of nowhere, it's no different.

Once again, we see evidence that this wise old mountain sage is leagues more wayward and lost than any of us, yet Ziggy still trusts in his wisdom. Perhaps he can't see past the beard and the robe to the confused, scared soul within, or maybe he has far too much invested in such an arduous journey to feel any well-justified disappointment. Either way, it's a long trek down. Ziggy might want to see to installing a ski lift for future fruitless hikes.

The upside? We've been right calling him "guru" all this time.

Double Whammy - Grasping at the Shadow

I only have two things to say about this one. Firstly, what a cruelty for an animal without eyelids to be subjected to such indifference. I can't imagine the glare inside that tank. Secondly, I have trouble wrapping my brain around the odd syntax in Ziggy's speech ("There's no way I'm able. . .") .



This old sage's character is as inconsistent as my tapioca cooking. Today he's opted for a sort of wishy-washy Socratic existentialism. Truth be told, it all confuses the dickens out of me. Nice coloring, though.

A Day of Books and Babble

Again with the mountain and the climbing, Ziggy! Again with the backpack and the loss of direction and the crushing disappointment! You've visited this guy twice since I started reading this feature, and he ain't got nothin' to offer you. When will you learn? Sure he's got the beard and his butt on a mountain, but, if anything, he's even more wayward and lost than you. Drunk and depressed sages give untoward advice. So don't just assume that he's going to be serene and understanding. If you're going to judge a book by its cover, at least let it be this one:


See? That's pretty straightforward. When seeking enlightenment, however, don't look only for a beard or a robe, or you'll be bucking for disappointment. Looks like somebody could stand for a little self-help:


Dang - must you ruin everything?

After Enlightenment, Chop Wood, Carry Water

Wow, Ziggy - it took female rejection and verbose waterclosets to get you back to the top of this peak, but the trip appears to be worth it. If you value meaningless platitudes, that is. For an enlightened sage, this old man's life is in remarkable turmoil - in the space of a few short weeks he's abandoned his celebrity wheeling and dealing in favor of a philosophy of militant obedience.

Ah, so this is why I was so disappointed the last time, Ziggy thinks, once again contemplating the unnecessary wear done to his hiking boots, which have now rubbed his raw blisters into impenetrable callouses. Meanwhile, enlightenment stands in full sight, as both erstwhile student and guideless guide balance on a grinning buddha.

Enlightment is a 20-Watt Bulb

Having battled a lifelong struggle with apathy and despair just below the threshold of self-loathing, Ziggy burns his life savings in a quietly desperate search for the last bastion of truth in the world. Unfortunately, he finds that the cartoon archetype of the wise mountain sage is no longer a certainty; like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the American Dream, this "guru" has succumbed to the empty charms of the hip, perky modern age - he no longer sets spiritually-weary travelers on the path to inner peace. This former seer's new peers are magazine columnists and cutthroat celebs, and the closest he will ever get to the mysteries of the universe is his new column opposite the horoscope.

Even as Ziggy treads on the man's beard, he ponders the long, long trek back home, the fallibility of role models and the shot glass in which he will keep his remaining faith in mankind.

(Possible additional themes: The correlation between terrain and meditational quality, Modern disillusionment in popular archetypes, Man's search for meaning in an uncaring universe)