Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Idiot Box, Next on FOX

Look at that face - empty, expressionless eyes, fixated squarely on the only moving object in the room: that series of swirling pixels and cathode rays that serves as the home's centerpiece. Veg the body, veg the mind. Fat, dumb and happy? Well, I suppose two out of three isn't bad.

The worst part about turning yourself into a vacant, television-respirating houseplant is having to get up to refill your drink. Here I speak from experience. Might want to check out one of those armchair toilets, but have it wired to the house's plumbing with a bidet so you don't have to clean it or your swollen, chafed and immobile butt.

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